Stop Telling People To Have Boundaries

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, “She's lost her mind.", but hear me out. How many times do we hear, "You've got to create some boundaries or you'll never have healthy relationships!" How many times do we see someone allowing another to walk all over them, use them, manipulate them into doing things they don't want to do or are downright harmful? I'm not suggesting we shouldn't or don't need to have limits, AKA boundaries we respect and live by. We absolutely must have them for a healthy, enjoyable and profitable life. However, I think what sticks in my craw a little is the idea that we don't have them in the first place. I think we do, at least in my personal experience and in observing and working with clients in tens of thousands of sessions as a nurse and energy therapist. Trust me. We have boundaries. We've been taught to ignore them and allow others to push past them, including ourselves. We've been taught it's not safe and there’s no room to observe and respect them. Might we be better off learning to recognize those boundaries, make necessary adjustments and, perhaps most importantly, learn how to respond when they’re not respected? This is more than an argument over semantics. There’s often a lot of shame, overwhelm and sometimes confusion in the lack of boundary dialogue, whether intentional or not. It’s refreshing and encouraging to learn we actually DO have them and that we can start getting in touch with them rather than feeling like we have to begin to build this boundary framework from scratch. Let's focus our work on finding those boundaries that may be buried deep within, deep under all that programming. Let's unlearn patterns of blowing through them in ignorance, habit and training and establish a healthy observance of our innermost desires and beliefs about what WE want (not what someone else wants us to do or be to satisfy their beliefs about their own personal experience). Let’s challenge beliefs and define current realities surrounding our boundaries. Let’s formulate realistic plans for follow up action when they’re tested or ignored. Let’s practice those skills. Only then will we realize our boundaries are already there, unacknowledged unobserved out of fear, neglect and innocence lost to disrespectful, fearful and greedy interactive patterns over the years. BOUNDARIES. They're not something you have to create out of thin air. You have them. Do the work. Get reacquainted with them like the comfy old friends they really are. If you need intuitive help and energy therapy tools to help you get in touch with your boundaries and truths and maybe a little support and energy therapy to help learn safety in self respectful practices, I’m here.